Fly Away
Entry for the Desperate Literature annual competition
This one comes with an animation I made to promote it on the Evilness that is Instagram. Experts (my girlfriend) assure me this is necessary. Turn up the audio.
Sadly my story didn’t win. Not because it’s not amazing but because the people at Desperate Literature are a bunch of ignorant heathens who wouldn’t know a good story if it bit them in the arse! I hope their shitty bookstore burns down!
Nah, I’m joking, I’m sure they’re fine people and I had a lot of fun writing this. There is an anthology of past winners you can buy here. Some of them are quite good.
Anyway, back to me. Since I didn’t win, I can now publish this fine story here for your reading pleasure.
Enjoy.
She flew away.
She’d had enough of the men’s incessant chatter about how to deal with the situation. Endless jabbering wasn’t going to get them anywhere and she couldn’t stand their bitching and moaning anymore, it was clear to her that they had no intention of actually doing anything. Their solution, as usual, would be to talk and talk and debate until someone else, usually the women, took it upon themselves to get things sorted.
She circled the rookery twice to make sure it was clear of predators, spies, humans and other undesirables. Once she was satisfied, she descended, feeling the wonderful wind under her silky black wings, landed and grudgingly took human form. It was always such a letdown after flying as a glorious crow to take human shape, all that baggy flesh and heavy, solid bones instead of lustrous feathers and a light, hollow skeleton. No wonder humans were often in a foul mood.
She knew the rules, was tired of hearing them repeated so often, they all had to be in human form when gathered here, for their own safety, blah, blah, blah. It was a load of rubbish as far as she was concerned but she didn’t want to antagonise her sisters right now, she needed their help and every crow knew that you caught more flies with honey than by bickering and flaunting idiotic rules.
Descending from the roof’s landing spot she didn’t cross paths with anyone, that was to be expected at this hour, most would be asleep save the few on the night shift, minding the various memory apparatus. Hugin, of course, would be supervising them.
Of all her brethren, her twin sister was the one she had the hardest time with. Hugin was lofty, demanding, possessive and jealous. And that was on her good days. But she was also the best at what she did and everyone respected and followed her. Well… she smiled, almost everyone. She headed straight for the dome where Hugin would be conducting her operations like an orchestra director, paused at the heavy wooden door, took a deep breath and entered. The place never ceased to amaze her, always tidy despite the frenzy of activity, every woman at her station knowing exactly what they were doing and doing it well, the sophisticated apparatus humming like well-oiled clockwork and there, in the middle of it all, surrounded by fine wood, metal and stonework was Hugin herself, standing tall, proud, shiny and black like the beautiful crow she was.
Hugin turned her head towards her, acknowledged her with a nod and said “Munin. Glad you’re back safe.” She didn’t add finally but Munin could still hear it in there in her tone. Or was it just her natural defensiveness around Hugin? She wasn’t sure anymore, after so much time how can you tell reality from thought? Ironic really, for somebody whose name literally meant mind, not to be able to distinguish between her thoughts and the world outside them.
“Hugin,” she said, “keeping busy as usual”.
Hugin just smiled, maybe a little too condescending for Munin’s taste and asked “What did you see?”
Munin frowned, “Nothing good. The men are at it again.” Hugin made a dismissive gesture with her hand and said “They are always at it, otherwise we wouldn’t have a purpose anymore.”
“No. This time it’s different, this time something’s off, something’s weird. I don’t know what it is but I don’t like it.”
This made Hugin take notice, she turned her whole body towards Munin. Despite their differences and sibling rivalry, she knew never to underestimate her sister, especially when she sensed something weird, Munin’s senses were fine-tuned from years of flying and observing. Munin made a gesture with her head indicating for them to go outside, it wouldn’t do to discuss such things here in front of the others.
Munin exited and waited for her sister outside, Hugin left some final instructions and followed. They walked side by side down the broad stone stairs, neither saying anything until they reached the inner garden where Hugin said simply “Tell me.”
“The men are restless, which is nothing new, I know”, began Munin, “but there is also a lot of fear this time and, more worrying, some of them are fed up, impatient to the point of recklessness, manic even.”
Hugin thought for a second then said “Alright, admittedly that’s not good but I don’t really see how that’s a cause for great concern, so what if they’re reckless? They are men, they are always reckless and impulsive and destructive, they act without thought, it’s what makes them men.”
“I know but I’m telling you this time it’s different, something’s off.”
“Yes, you’ve said that, but what? What is off and why do we care? Our purpose is to observe and record, not intervene, not change the course of things.”
“I know that Hugin! Don’t you think I know that?” Her sister had an uncanny ability to get on her nerves very easily with her loftiness and condescension, she thought that having been born two minutes ahead gave her the sacred duty of always playing the sensible older sister to Munin’s younger, impetuous nature, it really got under her feathers. She stopped, turned and looked her sister in the face, who was staring back at her with one eyebrow raised, and said “You have to trust me on this, this is different and we need to do something about it, we can no longer sit back and just report, it’s time for us to act!
Hugin rolled her eyes and said “Not this again Munin, we’ve had this conversation before, more times than I care to remember and that’s saying a lot.”
Munin felt the familiar urge to throttle her sister right there where she stood, she took another deep breath and said, “Hugin, please, come down from your lofty, high perch and actually listen to me for once. Something is happening or is about to happen, I don’t know what it is but I know it’s not good. Send your best trackers out right now or, better yet, get out there yourself, you haven’t left the rookery in years, you have no idea what It’s actually like out there…”
She put a hand up to stop Hugin interrupting her as she was about to do and said “you think you know because you get reports from your scouts and from me but you actually don’t, and you never will unless you go out there yourself to not only see things with your own eyes but also to experience them with all your other senses which have no doubt become atrophied from lack of use!”
“Munin”, she sighed, “I don’t have the energy for this right now, it’s been a long day.”
“Then find the energy! Get out there, see and feel for yourself, too long you’ve been relying on secondhand information to paint your world, that doesn’t really work and it’s dangerous, you’re not getting the real picture! And you never will, cooped up all day inside this chicken coop, we were never meant to be confined, even in gilded cages of our making like yours! We were meant to fly! Literally! Fly out there and see! How long has it been since you left the rookery and actually flew?
Hugin turned away from her sister and started walking back to the dome, without even looking over her shoulder she said “I can’t do this right now, I’ve got better things to do.”
“No you don’t!” Munin shouted at her back. “This is the most important thing you have right now! This, you, me! That is everything that’s important.”
But her sister kept on going, oblivious to Munin’s shouts. Like so many times before, Munin felt the impotent rage of yet another useless bout with her sister where nothing had been resolved, if anything, she felt she’d just made things worse.
She shrieked “Ahhh!” Exasperated at the world, at men, at the absurdity of it all, at her arrogant and know-it-all sister who seemed to be completely blind, but most of all at herself, for not knowing how to make her sister see, not knowing what to say or how to talk to her without antagonising her. She needed to make her see, to truly see and she had no idea how to go about achieving this.
She threw up her arms in anger and frustration, changed there and then into crow form despite the stupid rules, exited through one of the crenelated windows and took flight, glorious, freeing flight. She needed space to think and that was impossible as an earthbound, fleshy human.
She flew hard, high, away from the rookery, not knowing what her destination was, only that it needed to be far away from her sister and her obstinate blindness.
She flew away.
Hugin didn’t head back up to the dome, it would be alright without her for a while, in fact, if she were being brutally honest with herself, it would probably be fine without her for a long, long time. Gone were the days when she had to actually supervise her girls and their work, at this point, they would probably function better without her looking over their shoulders.
Munin’s words had stirred something inside her. As much as she hated to admit it, her sister was partly right, it had been years since she’d been outside these walls, since she’d flown; actually flown! She was surprised at how strong she felt that urge to fly, to get out there, to see with her own eyes, to experience the world with her own senses as Munin had put it. She’d forgotten how strong that urge could be, she thought she was done with all that, what was the point of going out there herself when Munin was out there every day anyway? Her function as memory, to preserve a record of everything was perfectly doable from here without having to step outside at all. But was that really what her life had become? Mere purpose. She wasn’t a machine like the ones in her dome manned by her girls, recording everything, so why live like one?
The worst part was that nobody had imposed this seclusion on her, it was of her own devising, she was doing this to herself and she wasn’t entirely sure why. Why a life of self-imposed incarceration? What was she hiding from? Or maybe running away from? She wasn’t sure. Just as she wasn’t sure exactly when things had changed. Certainly it hadn’t been from one day to the next, she didn’t just decide that she was done with flying and experiencing the world, with living! It had crept up on her slowly and surreptitiously like cancer, until one day she had realised that she hadn’t been out in weeks, or was it months? So long in any case she couldn’t actually remember the last time she’d been out. Yes, the irony did not escape her, the fact that her, the Queen of Memory, her name literally meant memory, did not remember something as important as this. That made her really sad, had she suddenly lost all her faith in herself and her abilities?
She felt an itch inside her, as of feathers twitching.
She realised she was constantly questioning herself, second guessing, overthinking everything. To hell with that! Now she needed to act. She ascended the stairs, her pace getting faster and more resolute with each step, reached the roof, looked up at the stars shining above, took a deep breath, opened her arms wide, emptied her mind, transformed into a crow and jumped. She let instinct take over, she dove and soared, riding the air currents without a single thought, letting her body react, just feeling the wind on her wings, tasting the night air, relishing the smells, feeling the world. It was glorious. She felt alive again.
She flew away.